i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
