did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
