I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
