i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
