I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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