I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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