she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
