Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
