nut hugger
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
