I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
