OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
