It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
operation have a gay friend backfired
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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