Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We have started to decorate penises.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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