Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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