I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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