i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
