How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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