did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
