Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
