if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
