When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
