I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
