so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
