dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
