you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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