y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
