Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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