I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
