Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
