Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
