My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
