Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize