So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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