Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
