Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
