No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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