Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
