What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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