Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
