Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
