how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
