just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
