I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
