Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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