so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
