not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize