I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
