I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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