I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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