Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
