I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize