we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
