Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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