and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
