She said her name was "party"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
