I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
