glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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