ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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