I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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