i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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