Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
