life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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