i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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