I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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