she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
