I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
