god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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