My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Say something about gay babies.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
